New Holiday - The Big Generosity Day
The Big Generosity Day is celebrated on 18 June, it is a day
when people in each country must do a generous thing with others. They can
choose every activities they can do to implement the generosity it self. This
celebration was established to give the opportunities for people to do a good
and generous thing, it is addressed for 3
target which are, those who do, those who receive, and those who feel
the effect. Most people want to do a good things but they do not have time and
moment for it. So people should have their special day only to do a generous
thing in order to create new happiness for others. Generosity is not only about
giving money or other materials, but sincerity. Start from sincerity, every
small thing is counted as the generosity
it self. This small thing is not being noticed by people such as, throwing the
rubbish in basket, saying “thank you”, saying “sorry”, saying “please”, giving
decorous smile with others even stranger, giving the way for traffic jam (not
“get out of my way”), etc. When people are willing to give their sincerity
through implementing this small things, the big thing is upcoming. Actually
doing generosity is not only in this day, but the function of this day is to
realize people that good thing in a day will influence others good day. By
implementing this generous thing, people will see how a day will effect the
others day because The Big Generosity Day is something used to elicit a further
reaction of people for the implementation of generosity itself.
Red: Major supporting Sentence
Purple: minor supporting sentence
Blue: Conclusion
Hello, Annah~
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading yours since it is acknowledged me about being generous is mean a lot to somebody. The paragraph structured well and I got what you are trying to say. It is flawless and flows smoothly. Well done!
My suggestion, perhaps, since your objective is set up new holiday and how to celebrate it, therefore you need to pay attention in "how to celebrate it". Because I only saw it at the second point. You may add more explanation about what is "small act, big impact". I believe it will help us to understand the celebration of it.
Hence, it is not really big deal. You may consider it later. I can't wait to catch you on your next post. Keep improving :)
XOXO,
Inanda M.
Hello Annah,
ReplyDeleteIt's a very educational paragraph. Hopefully, one day your holiday will be recognized as an official holiday because there is so much contribution in social development. However, I want to give you suggestion to change this word "By implementing this generous thing, people will see how a day will affect the others day because The Big Generosity Day is something used to elicit a further reaction of people for the implementation of generosity itself" to In doing so, people will see how a day will affect the others day because The Big Generosity Day is something used to elicit a further reaction of people by implementing generosity. Waiting for another story...
Hello Annah,
ReplyDeleteThe paragraph structured well and I got what you are trying to say.I suggest you may add more explanation about what is "small act, big impact". hope your next writing will be better.
Hello Mea!
ReplyDeletewow. such a great paragraph. I like to read your writing. However, you should put more attention to the punctuation such as after "Actually, So" you should put a comma.
Keep writing!!
Hello Mea!
ReplyDeleteGreat writing, I like the way you explain it. It is simple and easy to understand. Your colored sentences and the highlight is really helpful for the readers. I can catch the major, minor and the conclusion directly. Good paragraph, its hard for me to find the mistakes even tough I read several times. But, for the suggestion, I think you can elaborate with your own experience to make it more clear, not only on the example and illustrations to clarify this activity. But, overall great work! Keep improving and keep writing!:D
XOXO,
Nur Intan K.
Revision
ReplyDeleteThe Big Generosity Day
The Big Generosity Day is celebrated on 18 June, it is a day when people in each country must do a generous thing with others. They can choose every activities they can do to implement the generosity it self. This celebration was established to give the opportunities for people to do a good and generous thing, it is addressed for 3 target which are, those who do, those who receive, and those who feel the effect. Most people want to do a good things but they do not have time and moment for it. So people should have their special day only to do a generous thing in order to create new happiness for others. Generosity is not only about giving money or other materials, but sincerity. Start from sincerity, every small thing is counted as the generosity it self. This small thing is not being noticed by people such as, throwing the rubbish in basket, saying “thank you”, saying “sorry”, saying “please”, giving decorous smile with others even stranger, giving the way for traffic jam (not “get out of my way”), etc. besides small things, there are also big things we can do to express our generosity such as volunteering, and doing other social project. When people are willing to give their sincerity through implementing this small things, the big thing is upcoming. Actually doing generosity is not only in this day, but the function of this day is to realize people that good thing in a day will influence others good day. In doing so, people will see how a day will affect the others day because The Big Generosity Day is something used to elicit a further reaction of people by implementing generosity.